Summer Rain

7/13/13

Evicted. Thrown out of this Egyptian toned beauty's trance

7/23/13

Mixed drinks... they warn not to mix dark and light. I mixed our possibility (light) with the denied purpose of our prior histories (dark)... I mixed us as the equivalent to the rose growing from the concrete; concrete then shattered the damaged petals almost to the root. I prepromised my drunken state

I drunkenly two stepped out of your trance

All these Charlotte days of rain could only mean a hell of a blossom is coming. I undeniably yearn for the blossom after our storm; my tears have matched those of heaven's skies opening desiring a cognizant & extricate getaway

Historical beauty; tell your story; the war of 1812 between the U.S & Great Britain ending with America's independence; 1 of the original 13 colonies packed with diverse landscapes & leading crab produce

I've done my research... taking it back to the origin of your homeland... taking it back to the origin of your happiness... taking it back to the unexpected joy of us

I have hidden away in my introverted shelter avoiding eye contact. Still your eye contact draws me deep. The butterflies are no longer present w/o a kiss, yet the pit of my stomach still flips within your sensational presence

I once wrote poetry of sex stories. I left those behind when I started making love to a queen... my dreams plague me when I often dream, far from sleeping, tasting you; my cheat sweet from my summer diet. 

Summer dieting hoping fall would bring you back to falling for me. How could this be me willingly forgiving; accepting you back ---- praying with 11:11 wishes of ... hoping my 11:11 wishes are accurately provided to me; I pray this for an open hearted gift

Peace is priceless. Priceless is you  

Trust v.s. Insecurities

Thinking:

Every relationship needs privacy; not to be mistaken for an opportunity to abuse trust.

Privacy of feelings, emotions, and thoughts at times. "Privacy' of hiding your phone will cause the question of abuse of that granted trust. People often neglect the idea that they exhibit changes in behavior when unhappy and underestimate their mates ability to notice.

Privacy of thoughts is important as its normally the only place people get to escape. Until the escape imprisons. 

Insecurities can easily break up a relationship. I agree with the notion of wanting your mate to share feelings, thoughts, and emotions involving you, but its also critical to let your mate have their space to sort out those things. Insecurities would let you desire and push for that explanation (goes both ways). 

Whose at fault for insecurities? Is it the mate thats bottled up and portraying signs of infidelity and seclusion? Or is it the mate that is worried about those signs of reservation? BOTH!

A relationship, or strong relations, is a partnership. Both parties have to equally invest on all levels. By equally I mean 58-42... 60-40...55-45. I just don't believe 50/50 exists.

 

(Unfinished. To be revisited with feedback)

Faded Pictures... Faded Murals

{Written with Fatima M.}

Harmonious walks down memory lane cause comfort in a foreign land. It brings familiarity to a place surrounded with mundane routines and moments without you. Allowing my mind to wander down a lane where memories bring me back to you I'm elated to fall asleep. Just so that I may dream of you in a way my imagination has yet to conjure.

I wish you were a Starbucks drink so people can experience what saying your name constantly feels like. 

Lifted away; dancing in the mirror; wrapped up in the melody of your words I've danced on our memory with no love lost respect gained cliche verbiage to display my uncanny emotions of missing you

Swaying to the melodic sounds your smile brings to my memories. I stand in the mirror singing love songs transcribed by King Solomon himself. I reach out hoping you're standing in front of your mirror reaching for me. Dancing our unorthodox two step

Dancing... The mirror reached back. This time with broken pieces of the once perfectly collaged scene. I snatched my hand back reluctantly to nurse the cuts. I still loved the blood of their pain because your memory couldn't tear me away from loving you

Instantaneously my wounds become reminders  of our love. Charred mirror pieces reflect the memories I've grown to love as my present. Though we are no longer, I stand in front of the mirror praying my reflection has transcended universal norms and you can see me reaching out for you. Reaching out for something familiar. Reaching out just so you know I remember your greatness, and I'm always going to want to walk down memory lane. 

Such a dangerous path I admit I easily get warped into these redundant travels realizing only I can deliver me from this mental four dimensional floor plan of hurt. I have to...

I left the glass broken. Only a fool would continue to bruise with that which they can't fix. Fixing your memory to be cognizant of our history was never a meal on the menu. I ate off this unset table waiting for the utensils to come to order

Hoping our waitress will serve our past as our presence. We are A sweet memory only the reflections in our pupils  understand.

Undisclosed

I wrote our breakup letter so many times. Each time my mind angrily tore out pages with a heart between too many chapters of hurt to see the joy

No joy arose for I had unmistakenly fulfilled my emptiness with the joy of you. You saved me from believing no one could ever teach me to love again; you saved me from my breaking point. You saved me from memories

A Sunday afternoon explosion occurred. I remember the excitement of seeing your notification... I remember swallowing my facade and pride after reading the entirety of your text

Clocked out and wiping the weeping from along my cheek

Let me explain why this one hurt so much more

Investment.

Unconditional from my heart... invested and blindly joined at the hip until my fucking hip broke... Excruciatingly alone

It's amazing what time and a place can do... Disposition even amongst the sturdiest foundations; sculpting new grounds. New grounds with new laws. Unspoken shade and unspoken pain accompanied on a mean ass roller coaster ride with unspoken disdain for the once ordained loves. Laws... Well don't we all know those things get broken. So if the order is broken what makes us think everything else is safe... including our hearts

I bared it all... Taking people out of my equations so that their emotions wouldn't interfere... I had already bared too much... No bitter unknowing souls were welcomed in to let their previous bitter kinships interfere here. Choosing to relinquish these fears. I had been exposed through my a-muse-ment already baring too much to you and audiences

I broke the order of holding back

Loving freely without hinderance; challenged but unreserved 

Every time I choked up into tears ...

Every time I was reflecting on my willing inability ... To hold back

Every time and everyday 

Every way possible unaware of the void

Every time I reflect

Every time I never ran from the responsibility 

Every night I prayed --- for you and for me

Every time I scrolled to smile from your recognition

Every time this key unlocked your door

Every time this heart melted with yours

Every time I ate it all

Every time I trusted your promise

Every time you kissed me ...

EVERY TIME YOU KISSED ME

Every time you kissed me!!

Every time I witnessed your change

Every time I wanted to trade my comfort for your pain

Every time I imagined hearing your name

Every time I desired to celebrate your claim

Every day the claim never came 

Every day you faded away

Every way, every day, every time

Every

Time

I worked out

THE KINKS

For every time I broke a heart 

The (wo)man eater now eaten

*tears another page out*

I wrote our break up letter so many times when we became the latter 

I love you