Where is my creativity? Where is my strength of will? When will I stop worrying about everyone’s feelings around me? When will I stop being perfect for everyone and just be perfect for me? Seems the entire world wants to experience the most exquisite flavor and I’m all out of sample spoons. My unique ice cream shop is closed.
My shoulders have worn heavy. I’ve made these silent decisions to stop giving a fuck; still I do. It’s not in my nature to pretend to be cold hearted, but it’s insane because I can script some fiction that will make you think I had lived those events. I just want to live my events. Get rid of some much needed baggage and travel light.
What is that smell? This lingering stench twisting up my nostrils, flagrant fouling my sense of smell… Invading my sweet aroma scented percepted moments. I’ve overly sprayed my purchased scents still money can’t buy you peace, it can only take you to supposed peaceful places.
Enslaved to my care.
An imagination that creates perfect pictures but can’t create my own Kodak moments… Draining out the energizer bunny for my deliverance. I need my own and to escape from being owned by my emotions trapping me in misplaced guilt.
Guilty for gearing up towards my own happiness.
Different desires with no one fitting to meet all … Settling for partial payment would make my world a credit bureau, in which I’m not certified
My possessive jealousy takes long subconscious walks w/ me mentally holding hands w/ my humane property; treasured of course. To kill a mockingbird was a treasured piece of literature I’m trying to treasure my inner literature; beautifully scripted novels pieces missing chapters and torn pages… Discombobulated prologues and coffee spilled on pages… My inner literature is beautifully scripted & I just need to get deeply in touch with moi
I’ve made some changes… More than some lady holding self taught mental workshops I’ve made some changes. Not only have I changed the wallpaper on my phone, I added some color to my cubicle walls, I’ve changed out the pictures I hang on my mirror, I’ve adjusted the volume on my iPod, I’ve swapped out smart covers for my iPad, I’ve even taken Dr. pepper out of my diet… I mean dammit I’ve made some changes
Still I cannot change that which may save me the most grief…. In grievance you get a set amount of time before you’re expected back to place of employment… I’m expected back to employ my altering smile over time lines, text messages, FaceTime, and chats; still I’m not getting paid my much deserved over time and employment isn’t supplementing my needs, so is this grievance time really worth it? What else do I change? The font of my voice?
I’ve given enough. Failing to turn my hands over and receive. I just need me… I need me to be happy.
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