Getting real. His plan vs my route

That moment you get real with yourself and discover the answer to "did God bring this into my life or did I? Was this truly in his plan for me?"

Everything happens for a reason, but everything wasn't designed for you to experience. Forbidden fruit isn't meant to be eaten, but occasionally we walk down a path and take a bite of the very fruit we understand is poisonous to us. This fruit may be a multitude of relationships, uncanny situations, risky behaviors, etc. Its like promising yourself that inheriting that sweet lie will have a different outcome because it is his hands and by his doing. The pain and side effects to follow are bearable and conquerable with truth and ownership. Peace!

I'll end my late night insomniac thoughts right here.

Insomniac

Sometimes at night 

I lay awake

Awaiting and desiring

Your touch

To reach into the depths

of places

Only you know 

And can reach

Sometimes 

At night

These nights

I lay alone

My body awake when I sleep

A tear drips down the lonely corridors of my cheek

As I dream 

Benevolent dandy scenes rapidly retreated

Now tossed between every toss and turn 

Turning over to realizing

On these nights

I lay awake 

Alone

Unable to condone

The peak we've reached

Remnants

If I could write for you I would write everything that you have been afraid to say to me. I would recreate the verbal stare downs packed with curiosities taunt and attractions incognizant gloat

I admit it---I wasn't attracted to you at first

Physically.

Mentally I let my sexual hungers deplete so my sapiosexual fetishes could rumble 

Unable to disclose my inhibitions I roar my zodiac leo roar bellowing out to hide the shyness of this lioness admitted behind the baring of my teeth …. Roars subsided to the wavering oceans & tidal explorations--- truly calmed to your embrace

Every curve unique in its response to your trace of my shape--- clothing to the floor--- only you experience these lips. Yours separated by my lips and a power tongue with expertise in capture... Lips separately displacing testimonies of sensitivity to your virtuosity aloud

This body and soul solely only yours for every night of devour… you tasted oceans into the culmination down your throats gateways… knocking down the walls I pleaded for more embracing headboards misunderstanding why you couldn’t release me as my knees gave in. Riding faces mentally depicted as parasailing and surfboarding the wave---

Waving my white flag in secret sexual love affairs

I mind fucked and eye fucked you every second you crossed my visual... You'll never orgasm the same instantly submissive with no ability to regain composure without my permission

All these vivid collages placed in the vault of my minds treasure chest.

*dabs at mouth*

Until the next time we get a chance to paint tomorrow's remnants

Un-Suffocated; The Promise

These sheets became yours. Laying in them without your memory filling my nostrils has become the impossible.

Filling my voids with sensations of empty. 

These sheets became yours; the couch became mine

The due diligence of your exit

I gotta stop wanting beauty to keep running around without her brain.

I gotta stop wanting her to reevaluate what her "friends" were afraid to say

Breathe in baby now breathe out 

My CPR tactics to rescue your heart have failed

The need to save yourself has to exist before anyone can resuscitate  

I want to see you. I want to kiss you. I want to hold you. I want to taste you, not necessarily her, but taste your skin; inhale and exhale with you in my arms.

I want to love you ... Love you in a way that makes sense to the both of us and relieves and frees you. I want you and I to always feel secure in whatever we have and/or are building. 

I want to be in your presence and remain un-suffocated by your affection and attention. I want us to always be truthful; truthful to ourselves and one another. I want to be yours one day and vice versa. I want to build not stay stagnant.

I want you to know I want you. 

Took a while for me to realize all these desires are in place for the want of me... self-induglence the ultimate curator

I gotta stop wanting beauty to begin with anyone but me

Un-suffocating with the promise of me.